I've never been one to like my photo taken. I've liked very few photos of me over the years; I've always detested how I looked in them, even as a child. It's mostly to do with my weight and the self-esteem issues that are inevitably tied to it. Sideview = double chin. Forget it. It ain't the Renaissance, kid. So not a lot of photos of me growing up, except those begrudgingly taken during family events.
So why start taking pictures of myself now? Especially when eschewing the technologically-mediated narcissism brought on by the cult of the selfie seems to be the more virtuous option?
Well, there are a couple of reasons:
Over the past few months, I've experienced a bit of a health crisis: I was diagnosed with a disfiguring skin condition, type-2 diabetes, and hypertension all in that short span of time. Needless to say, I've had to make drastic changes to the way I live, and it hasn't been easy. But I'm coping, and there has been some progress -- not as much as I would like, but slow and steady is better than none.
As a result of my physical frailties, I've been feeling emotionally vulnerable. My spinning and knitting have been keeping me buoyant which is for me is literally lifesaving. But late last week, it came to a point where things Just. Got. Harder. Admittedly, it's partly my fault for inviting the black dog in (again) but I'll talk about Reason #2 in the next post.
As many of you know, I'm gay. If you don't then, yeah, Wil's gay. It's not a big deal, I assure you. I just like men. And I like many other guys like me, I hope that one day I can share my life with someone who's just as crazy about me as I am about him. Maybe I'll even get to walk down the aisle, and for those of you who have shown me love and acceptance, I hope will all be there to share this experience with me.
Anyway, I'm not romantically involved with anyone at the moment. I haven't really had a significant other since my last long-term relationship ended... I want to say 2006 or '07? I can't really remember, and in any case, it's not really important. My former partner of 8 years is one of the most loyal and compassionate human beings I've ever had the fortune to know and is still one of my best friends. I still love him, and I hope I never fail to show him how much. He's a big part of why I'm trying to learn to #takeabetterselfie.
But yes, I'm single. And last week, with my emotional unease already high (thinking about Oliver Sack's death, the refugee crisis in Europe, general depression over the state of Australian political leadership, or lack thereof), I made the mistake of entertaining thoughts of the futility of trying to meet someone for a long-term relationship. What if I never get married? What if I never experience the joy of living a shared existence with someone? What if no one finds me attractive because of my weight/ethnicity/medical conditions? Will I ever be happy again?
The answer to all the questions, was predictably, 'no'. So far, I've been pretty good at talking myself down from these kinds of precipices before, which is probably why I've been generally okay with being by myself all this time. But last week was a little bit more difficult, and I couldn't prop myself back up. I needed something to remind myself that I was OK, am OK, and was going to be OK. I need to to affirm this to myself.
There are no real rules to convey affirmations to yourself: you can stand in front of a mirror, or lie in bed, or have your eyes closed on a crowded train. It doesn't matter; what matters is you let yourself hear what you need to hear to get you over that bump.
For me, I've decided to take selfies. And I'm going to try to be good at it. Taking a good selfie just says to me, "Hey. you look good today." or "You're totally dateable!" or simply, "Today was a good day. You should be proud of yourself."
For me, taking selfies isn't so much an exercise in narcissism. For me, it is an act of survival. I need to celebrate myself and the life I have every chance I get. I need to remind myself that I am complete, and I will make one lucky guy out there a great husband.
So yeah, this is me, taking selfies. Day 1.
As many of you know, I'm gay. If you don't then, yeah, Wil's gay. It's not a big deal, I assure you. I just like men. And I like many other guys like me, I hope that one day I can share my life with someone who's just as crazy about me as I am about him. Maybe I'll even get to walk down the aisle, and for those of you who have shown me love and acceptance, I hope will all be there to share this experience with me.
Anyway, I'm not romantically involved with anyone at the moment. I haven't really had a significant other since my last long-term relationship ended... I want to say 2006 or '07? I can't really remember, and in any case, it's not really important. My former partner of 8 years is one of the most loyal and compassionate human beings I've ever had the fortune to know and is still one of my best friends. I still love him, and I hope I never fail to show him how much. He's a big part of why I'm trying to learn to #takeabetterselfie.
But yes, I'm single. And last week, with my emotional unease already high (thinking about Oliver Sack's death, the refugee crisis in Europe, general depression over the state of Australian political leadership, or lack thereof), I made the mistake of entertaining thoughts of the futility of trying to meet someone for a long-term relationship. What if I never get married? What if I never experience the joy of living a shared existence with someone? What if no one finds me attractive because of my weight/ethnicity/medical conditions? Will I ever be happy again?
The answer to all the questions, was predictably, 'no'. So far, I've been pretty good at talking myself down from these kinds of precipices before, which is probably why I've been generally okay with being by myself all this time. But last week was a little bit more difficult, and I couldn't prop myself back up. I needed something to remind myself that I was OK, am OK, and was going to be OK. I need to to affirm this to myself.
There are no real rules to convey affirmations to yourself: you can stand in front of a mirror, or lie in bed, or have your eyes closed on a crowded train. It doesn't matter; what matters is you let yourself hear what you need to hear to get you over that bump.
For me, I've decided to take selfies. And I'm going to try to be good at it. Taking a good selfie just says to me, "Hey. you look good today." or "You're totally dateable!" or simply, "Today was a good day. You should be proud of yourself."
For me, taking selfies isn't so much an exercise in narcissism. For me, it is an act of survival. I need to celebrate myself and the life I have every chance I get. I need to remind myself that I am complete, and I will make one lucky guy out there a great husband.
So yeah, this is me, taking selfies. Day 1.
You are a gorgeous human being Wil and I feel blessed knowing you <3 I know how hard it is (yep believe me under that "oh I am so happy " exterior there are deep dark dungeons of despair ..lol..but just like you art and craft have kept me sane and the belief that, no matter what, everyone who is kind and cares about others is an amazing human being. And you , my friend, are a great example of that: A beautiful Soul <3
ReplyDeleteHopefully you'll be just as lucky with him as he will be with you 'cause that ain't easy you know... hard act to follow you are - super chef, intelligent, witty, entertaining and funny, logical, scientific AND wonderfully artistic, empathetic, a good listener, stylish and handsome... You're a needle in haystack of douche bags my friend! It's not that no one is interested, it's just that you're just hard to find! xox
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks, anonymous Copyright person! (I think I know who you are!) Trust me, I've been sending the Universe a wishlist!
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