"So I downloaded this dating app..."

...is the start of a story that doesn't have a good ending.

So I downloaded this dating app* last week and created a profile with a nice photo of myself (see below), and browsed the guys around my local area, not expecting much, because you know, Prince Charming isn't just going to be living a couple of blocks from you.  No, that would be too easy.  

I got a couple of invitations to hook-up but nothing that addressed what I wanted as stated on my profile.  I intimated that I wanted "lasting connections, friendships or more" which a cheekily added "be a guy I knit for."  

Nope, nothing.  No bites.  But, really, no worries.  I'm realistic.

Field studies

Most mobile dating apps these days come with location services as standard.  This coupled with travelling on the train provides an interesting way to create a transect across Melbourne's suburbs to collect data about the guys that use these apps.  I mean, did you know that the number of guys with washboard abs and/or lumbersexual beards increases with proximity to the city?  There's a journal article to be written here somewhere.  

Could guys with washboard abs and/or lumbersexual beards please contact me?  It's for research.

Into the deep end

I decided to be proactive about talking to guys and started messaging guys whom I found interesting.  'Interesting' for me isn't just about how the guy looks. If he hasn't put enough detail about himself in his bio, you already know what he's banking on to get noticed.  Unfortunately, none of the guys replied to my messages.

For me, honesty is my currency.  I try to present my best self to people and attempt to be as upfront about my intentions with people I meet, whether in person or online.  To be this honest makes you vulnerable, and for introverts such as myself, this is perhaps the hardest thing to do when meeting people.  And I'll always, ALWAYS reply to a message, even the really odd ones.  I really don't mind if you say that I'm not what you're looking for.  In fact, I would prefer it.  What I really don't appreciate is ambiguity or apathy.  

The internet can be a toxic place, there's no doubt about that.  And you don't have to say hurtful things to someone to cause hurt.  Ignoring them can be just as detrimental.  It's often been said that if you wouldn't say something to someone face-to-face, then don't say it to them online.  Likewise, if you were any kind of decent person, you wouldn't turn your back on a handshake extended to you in friendship.

So what happened to those dating apps?  I've deleted them off my phone.  I decided that they were doing my head in.  If that means that I've effectively nullified my chances of meeting someone through those channels, then so be it.  I'm fairly certain the kind of guy I'm looking for, who has the same values as I do, who would treat people the same way as I would, wouldn't be there anyway.  I think it's been a good decision.  


Please be good to each other, guys.  Day 4.

(And oh, yeah:  I trimmed my beard.  Behold: designer stubble.)

















(*Actually, calling it a dating app is excessively generous.  It's a hook-up app for gay guys, but it seems to be the predominant way to meet people these days.)